Hadn’t eaten in 3 days and just are so much and now I feel like crap and it just was not worth it. Ugh.
I had peanuts and then chicken and bok choy and then a banana and then a salad sandwhich.
My belly is going to explode out my head.
So. Unless you have it or something I don’t think anyone realises how fucking difficult type 1 diabetes is let alone with an eating disorder.
Too much insulin. -> have to consume sugar.
Not enough sugar. -> have to consume sugar.
Too much sugar. -> crave sugar and starch and feel fat/sick/bloated even if I don’t eat.
Not enough or accidentally miss insulin. -> cravings + sick/fat/bloated.
Mom says ‘Im not surprised you have an eating disorder baby. Your life revolves around food. Too, much you get sick. Too little, you get sick.’
Also. Yes. I told my mom. She’s like my best friend and I need her support because I don’t have anyone else.
I’m so glad she’s so supportive and sympathetic and loving. Ugh. She’s the best, I’m so lucky. I should stop whining about diabetes, and petty little problems that don’t matter and appreciate what I have.
If only it were that simple.
Always false promises.
But its okay because I am weak in the knees
and my head is spinning and it wont stop
I am dizzy and empty
That’s the way it should be
No one cares
No one cares that I haven’t eaten in weeks
That I sometimes smell like vomit after a cup of coffee
And one day…